She grew up with an alcoholic mother. Being a typical oldest sibling, she took up the slack- cooking, cleaning, raising her younger brother. Graduating from high school opened up a portal to escape. She vowed to never look back. That was until she met him. He embodied everything she wanted. A lover, husband, a provider, a father to her unborn. He also knew her. He was from home.
Sadly for me, their nuptials meant my friend would move away. Fortunately, for her, she would not only gain a spouse but a reconciled relationship with her mother. Or maybe it was unfortunate. Soon after they made amends, years of neglect and abuse came to a head. Death came swiftly. It was soon followed by removal of what she held most dear- her ability to reproduce. Her body betrayed her as a tragic denouement of her suffering. The things that she once identified as life giving were dead and mourning overtook her. Her conversation turned bitter. For her, I encouraged her vents and validated her anger. Through her, I saw that mourning is a type of hunger and you have to be careful what you feed it. It produces a consuming inner ache that initially screams to be relieved but can quickly turn into a place of comfort. I tried logic, gossip, food, joking, swearing, and enabling with fleeting success. But found only truth will satiate. To Forgive, release, receive. False doctrine, attention, “control”, substances, and logic are placaters of the unwise. Wisdom is the principle thing.