Day 20 – It happens

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It happened and it can’t be undone. I was just walking home as usual. I live about a half a mile probably less from school. That car is slowing down to turn.  I guess they live on that side street. There’s a guy walking toward me. What’s in his hand? Is that a gun?! “Get into the car,” he exclaims. He proceeds to violate me sexually. When he’s done. He kicks me out. I walk the rest of the way home. The rest of the evening is a blur. There are crying roommates, angry police, fluorescent lights, numbness, nausea. I do remember very vividly though the phone call. I call my dad. I tell him. He blames me.

It happened and it can’t be undone. Looking out the window, I see a steel blue Mercedes S class pull into the driveway. It’s foreign not just in origin but to my memory. Then, she steps out – the future step mom to my children and husband thief. (I knew I couldn’t trust him). Nausea. She is driving what should be my car. Her smile is a fake as her tits! I see the smugness in it when she looks at my home. A twinge of warmth fills my chest. It’s quickly replaced by a sharp pain when I see the joy. My kids actually look happy. I’m sure they hate me. I hate me.

It happened and it can’t be undone. I was reaching for a bowl in the cabinet and felt a pop in my back. That was ten years ago. The pills eased all the pains, but eventually stopped working.  More pain and nausea. So, I got some other stuff from this guy in the neighborhood.  What else was I supposed to do? I’m still a good person. It’s not like I’m a murderer. I did what I had to do. There are people out there doing things far worse. It’s not like I shot up. It’s not like I’m not in pain! Why did you turn me in? You’ve done some isht too! You’re no saint! If you had helped back then I wouldn’t be here now! Well, you know what they say, what goes around comes around and I hope I’m there when you get your just desserts. I’m gonna say “Well, how does it feel to have that happen to you. or “Don’t come to me with your troubles, you didn’t help me when I needed you.” or I’ll just laugh at your pain. Yep, I’m going to laugh at your pain.

 

Those three stories are based on real events. Very hurtful events.We all go through painful life experiences. They have the power to color our lives. We have every right to be hurt, not like it, and exclaim it. Mourning is a process we need to go through but it produces a hunger. One must be careful what to feed it and for how long. I recommend setting a quit time and/or making the best of the situation. It’s helped me and helped the following gentlemen.

 

It happened and it can’t be undone. I killed Uriah the Hittite with the sword of the Ammonites and took his wife to be my wife! Now there will always be people in my family who will die by a sword, because I did not respect God. Nathan, the prophet, told me “The Lord has taken away your sin. You will not die.  But what you did caused the Lord’s enemies to lose all respect for him. For this reason, the son who was born to you will die.” On seventh day the baby died. My servants were afraid to tell me. So, I asked them, “Is the baby dead?”

They answered, “Yes, he is dead.”

I got up from the floor, washed up, put lotions on, and changed my clothes. Then, I went into the Lord’s house to worship. After that, I went home and asked for something to eat. My servants gave me some food, and I ate.

My servants asked, “Why are you doing this? When the baby was still alive, you fasted and you cried. Now that the baby is dead, you get up and eat food.”

I answered, “While the baby was still alive, I fasted, and I cried. I thought, ‘Who knows? Maybe the Lord will feel sorry for me and let the baby live.’ But now that the baby is dead, why should I fast? I can’t bring him back to life. Someday I will go to him, but he cannot come back to me.”

Then, I comforted Bathsheba my wife.

 

It happened and it can’t be undone. I was engaged to marry a virgin but she’s pregnant. Because I was a good man and did not want to disgrace her in public, I planned to divorce her secretly.

While I thought about these things, an angel of the Lord came to me in a dream. The angel said, “Joseph, descendant of David, don’t be afraid to take Mary as your wife, because the baby in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you will name him Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”

All this happened to bring about what the Lord had said through the prophet: “The virgin will be pregnant. She will have a son, and they will name him Immanuel, “which means “God is with us.”

When I woke up, I did what the Lord’s angel had told me to do. I took Mary as my wife, but I did not have sexual relations with her until she gave birth to the son. And I named him Jesus.

David and Joseph are heroic examples of how to deal with hurt, disappointment, and shame. After a set time, they chose to move on. Amazingly, they did it without complaining.  

 Be well, Beloved.

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